Sample Responses to Socratic Questions (With some explanation)
Thought: “I’m a failure”
Is this thought realistic?
Likely not; nobody can fail at everything. Even if I’ve failed a test or “failed” in one area of life, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve failed in every other area.
What is the evidence for and against this idea?
Evidence for might include having just failed a test or gotten fired from a job or having a “failed marriage” that ended in divorce. Evidence against might include stilling having a job despite a negative review, having healthy children, having a good marriage, being able to pay bills, having successfully completed anything.
Might this belief be a habit, rather than something based on facts?
If I have been thinking “I’m a failure” for a long time and consistently in response to every minor and/or major mishap, this could easily be a habitual thought. I might have a tendency to immediately think of myself as a failure without considering all the facts – and looking at the evidence against the belief that “I’m a failure” it would appear there are some fact that DO NOT support this idea.
How long have I been thinking this?
It’s hard to tell – if I’ve been thinking this for as long as I can remember or ever since a specific incident, there’s a good chance that the thought is habitual and not based on facts. Furthermore, if it started after a specific incident, it’s possible that incident caused me to think this way regardless of if it’s true.
What possible misinterpretations might I be making?
People commonly misinterpret many things as failures: losing or quitting a job, getting a divorce, not performing according to expectations, etc. Sometimes these things are the result of healthy decision or unrealistic expectations. Sometimes they result from circumstance (i.e., a poor economy, etc.). So, I could easily be misinterpreting something here.
Am I thinking in all-or-none/black-and-white terms? Is there any room for “grey” with this thought?
If it is true that “I’m a failure” than I’m only making room for the possibilities that a person is either a success or a failure…which must mean that I’d have to completely succeed at everything I do – receive all A’s while getting a perfect performance review, always pay my bills on time, never get speeding ticket, never forget to tie my shoe laces, never forget a person’s birthday, always be on time to everything…I can never make mistakes EVER. There is not room for grey. Sometimes we learn from mistakes…and to be honest, perfect people aren’t all that interesting. Thinking “I’m a failure” totally black-and-white/all-or-none thinking.
Am I using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can’t, ever time, etc.)? I extreme and/or exaggerated language implied in this thought?
In saying “I’m a failure,” I’m not overtly using any of those words – but I certainly am implying that I’m ALWAYS a failure FOREVER and that I NEVER succeed…that I NEED to be a certain way to be considered a success, and that I SHOULD do certain things in order to be successful. I’m implying that I MUST live up to certain expectations to be worth something (in a way) and that I CAN’T succeed and will fail EVER TIME I do anything.
In what way might I be focusing only on one aspect of the event (possibly negative)?
I’m only focusing on situations, or parts of situations, where I believe I have a failed….though I’m starting to think those things might not even be failures…maybe they’re mistake, or opportunities for growth, or setbacks, or maybe even TIMES I’ve failed…
Who has given me this message before? Other people in my life? A younger version of myself? Is that person a reliable source of information when it comes to this thought?
Some people may have told me this before – my uncle once said that ‘the worst thing in life is to be a failure’ and my brother always said ‘don’t be a failure like so-and-so’…which certainly put the idea in my head that a person could be a failure. I think I”ve been telling myself that I’m a failure in one way or another since high school. I’m not so sure my uncle or brother are very reliable sources of information when it comes to being a failure – they both are pretty successful by most peoples’ standards, yet they are miserable. My high school self couldn’t possibly be a reliable source – I’ve had more life experience since then and no now that life is a lot more complicated that a bunch of successes and failures walking around.
What are the odds that this thought is true? Am I overestimating the likelihood that this thought is true? Am I overestimating the odds that something bad will happen?
I’m not even sure I can place odds on the notion that “I’m a failure” because I’m questioning whether such a thing exists….so I’m thinking there’s actually a 0% chance that I’m a failure. When I am going into a new situation, I usually assume there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll fail…I might be overestimating the odds of failing though. For instance, I am about to take a test and was thinking that there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll fail – but I’ve been studying a lot, improving on practice tests, and learn more and more every day. So I am likely overestimating my chances of failure. Maybe it’s a 10% chance? Who knows!
Are my judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
I might be basing this thought that “I’m a failure” on some sort of gut feeling of doom and the fact I’m feeling a bit depressed – so perhaps it isn’t really based on facts at all.
In what way might I be focused on irrelevant factors?
I’m focused on times I’ve not done well – which isn’t even necessarily true. I’m more or less focusing on times I have not lived up to my expectations and the expectations of others – like that time I got a C in Biology….first of all, I didn’t even fail, secondly, I hated the class and had no interest in it, thirdly, I got A’s in all my other classes…etc. etc.
What are the costs and benefits of this thought? How might I arrive at similar benefits with different thoughts?
Costs include low self-esteem, depression, not going for things I might actually get because I worry about failing, etc. Benefits include never being rejected because I fear failing so much that I don’t take any risks, staying in my comfort zone, increased motivation because I try so hard not to fail at the things I do. I suppose I could learn how to handle rejection better…I could find value in stepping outside my comfort zone…and find ways to get motivated that don’t necessarily mean I’m constantly combatting failure.
Is this thought realistic?
Likely not; nobody can fail at everything. Even if I’ve failed a test or “failed” in one area of life, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve failed in every other area.
What is the evidence for and against this idea?
Evidence for might include having just failed a test or gotten fired from a job or having a “failed marriage” that ended in divorce. Evidence against might include stilling having a job despite a negative review, having healthy children, having a good marriage, being able to pay bills, having successfully completed anything.
Might this belief be a habit, rather than something based on facts?
If I have been thinking “I’m a failure” for a long time and consistently in response to every minor and/or major mishap, this could easily be a habitual thought. I might have a tendency to immediately think of myself as a failure without considering all the facts – and looking at the evidence against the belief that “I’m a failure” it would appear there are some fact that DO NOT support this idea.
How long have I been thinking this?
It’s hard to tell – if I’ve been thinking this for as long as I can remember or ever since a specific incident, there’s a good chance that the thought is habitual and not based on facts. Furthermore, if it started after a specific incident, it’s possible that incident caused me to think this way regardless of if it’s true.
What possible misinterpretations might I be making?
People commonly misinterpret many things as failures: losing or quitting a job, getting a divorce, not performing according to expectations, etc. Sometimes these things are the result of healthy decision or unrealistic expectations. Sometimes they result from circumstance (i.e., a poor economy, etc.). So, I could easily be misinterpreting something here.
Am I thinking in all-or-none/black-and-white terms? Is there any room for “grey” with this thought?
If it is true that “I’m a failure” than I’m only making room for the possibilities that a person is either a success or a failure…which must mean that I’d have to completely succeed at everything I do – receive all A’s while getting a perfect performance review, always pay my bills on time, never get speeding ticket, never forget to tie my shoe laces, never forget a person’s birthday, always be on time to everything…I can never make mistakes EVER. There is not room for grey. Sometimes we learn from mistakes…and to be honest, perfect people aren’t all that interesting. Thinking “I’m a failure” totally black-and-white/all-or-none thinking.
Am I using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can’t, ever time, etc.)? I extreme and/or exaggerated language implied in this thought?
In saying “I’m a failure,” I’m not overtly using any of those words – but I certainly am implying that I’m ALWAYS a failure FOREVER and that I NEVER succeed…that I NEED to be a certain way to be considered a success, and that I SHOULD do certain things in order to be successful. I’m implying that I MUST live up to certain expectations to be worth something (in a way) and that I CAN’T succeed and will fail EVER TIME I do anything.
In what way might I be focusing only on one aspect of the event (possibly negative)?
I’m only focusing on situations, or parts of situations, where I believe I have a failed….though I’m starting to think those things might not even be failures…maybe they’re mistake, or opportunities for growth, or setbacks, or maybe even TIMES I’ve failed…
Who has given me this message before? Other people in my life? A younger version of myself? Is that person a reliable source of information when it comes to this thought?
Some people may have told me this before – my uncle once said that ‘the worst thing in life is to be a failure’ and my brother always said ‘don’t be a failure like so-and-so’…which certainly put the idea in my head that a person could be a failure. I think I”ve been telling myself that I’m a failure in one way or another since high school. I’m not so sure my uncle or brother are very reliable sources of information when it comes to being a failure – they both are pretty successful by most peoples’ standards, yet they are miserable. My high school self couldn’t possibly be a reliable source – I’ve had more life experience since then and no now that life is a lot more complicated that a bunch of successes and failures walking around.
What are the odds that this thought is true? Am I overestimating the likelihood that this thought is true? Am I overestimating the odds that something bad will happen?
I’m not even sure I can place odds on the notion that “I’m a failure” because I’m questioning whether such a thing exists….so I’m thinking there’s actually a 0% chance that I’m a failure. When I am going into a new situation, I usually assume there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll fail…I might be overestimating the odds of failing though. For instance, I am about to take a test and was thinking that there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll fail – but I’ve been studying a lot, improving on practice tests, and learn more and more every day. So I am likely overestimating my chances of failure. Maybe it’s a 10% chance? Who knows!
Are my judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
I might be basing this thought that “I’m a failure” on some sort of gut feeling of doom and the fact I’m feeling a bit depressed – so perhaps it isn’t really based on facts at all.
In what way might I be focused on irrelevant factors?
I’m focused on times I’ve not done well – which isn’t even necessarily true. I’m more or less focusing on times I have not lived up to my expectations and the expectations of others – like that time I got a C in Biology….first of all, I didn’t even fail, secondly, I hated the class and had no interest in it, thirdly, I got A’s in all my other classes…etc. etc.
What are the costs and benefits of this thought? How might I arrive at similar benefits with different thoughts?
Costs include low self-esteem, depression, not going for things I might actually get because I worry about failing, etc. Benefits include never being rejected because I fear failing so much that I don’t take any risks, staying in my comfort zone, increased motivation because I try so hard not to fail at the things I do. I suppose I could learn how to handle rejection better…I could find value in stepping outside my comfort zone…and find ways to get motivated that don’t necessarily mean I’m constantly combatting failure.